Lately I’ve been longing to find a sense of peace that seems to be hiding beneath an uncomfortable feeling of stillness.
Life keeps moving on, things happen everyday and it’s not as if we’re stuck in our own little bubble, but for some reason it feels as if we somehow are.
I find myself going for long walks and thinking, but thinking about what? I wouldn’t even be able to tell you what my thoughts are filled of. I imagine them to be similar to balloons being inflated and then slipping away into the sky.
Thoughts so full of air, so light and brief they slip away in the blink of an eye, and yet, they come back for a moment everyday to haunt my mind.
These days, or better, these last few Summer months have been subject to the theme of opposition. I want to/ I don’t want to. Let’s do it/Let’s reschedule. I’m happy/I’m not happy.
Fleeting thoughts become contrasting thoughts in the mind and aren’t able to find peace.
Why can’t I find peace?
I long for the days that I used to take for granted. Days I thought would be endless. Days that would keep on coming as if I had an unlimited stock stashed in my drawer.
I long for the days that aren’t here anymore and I long for the positivity that used to fill my friends’ minds, now only to find out they have been replaced with cynicism and fear of the future that’s ahead of us.
So I keep going for long walks hoping that on the way, while my thoughts get lost, I might find some optimism or maybe peace or serenity.
